Okay, stick with me, this is an epiphany post!
So, The story goes like this:
I toddled into the studio today and looked at my pretty pink roses and tree sculpture. I looked and thought, yeah pretty 🙂 and crafty? Crafty! I thought that This is not a good thing.
I had cut outs of simple birds and I had to pretty it up and make it more ‘realistic’ to satisfy a need in my head. Okay it looks pretty cool and I am loving it, but still – As a chat with Natalia helped me see that my art style is more ‘Art Attack’ than ‘Tate’. Realisation hit me like a spade to the forehead.
I think on it all day, and conclude that I think too much. Amanda echoed this thought a few days ago in a one-to-one on Tuesday, and advised me to be more ‘ ambiguous’ with my art, I figured at the time I just needed to be less attentive to detail, but it didn’t really hit me until yesterday.
I am an emotional person, but also I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, I bury my emotions, mostly, so that I can get through and achieve my daily goals.
Up until I started this course, poetry was my outlet. The words I never said, and thoughts I ignored, that ground me down – flowed out onto paper and formed meaning without me having to verbalise them. However, so much of my poetry, has never been read by others, simply because it carries so much of me and my innermost pain/thoughts and personality, that I cannot bear to allow others to ‘bathe in my blood’.
So I sit back and think. I was gutted when Carly discovered her work was missing from the studio. She was inconsolable, and I get that, because her art is so completely tangled up with who she is, how she feels and where she’s been and going, that its as much the raw being of her core as my poetry is to me.
Why? Why do I not put this expression into my art?
I figured it out. I am so terrified that people will see straight into my soul, if I let go, that I have subconsciously been painting over the raw emotion behind my work. Most of my best or favourite work, happens by ‘accident’ its quick, raw and honest. It reflects who I am and why I am here.
The question is not, why do I insist on trying to ‘control my art’ but more, why do I fear letting go? I get an idea in my head, and I try so hard to make the end idea ‘real’ and mirror that image, but it is not ever as simple as the idea in my head. I am trying to explain myself in a rational way – through art!? Silly isn’t it.
The best art inspires feeling. Happy, sad, hurt; emotion, just simple, raw emotion. Matisse used cut outs to express, Picasso said yeah I know its odd, but here is what I see. Van Gogh swooshed colour and embraced movement, Duchamp said, yeah look a Urinal, that’s art; Ok his emotion? Amusement, a complete parody of how he felt, I’m amused that people see art where I don’t – lets see how far this goes.
The best art, the art that stands the test of time, fashion and economics, is the art that makes people feel. Simple really.
I see now that I need to let go. Instead of believing I am incapable of creating what I want to create, I need to accept that what I create, is what it is meant to be. I need to be more spontaneous and just let the art come out. I am perfectly capable of producing strong, emotional, irrational, and appealing pieces, and I need to accept that those pieces, those are the ones that matter.
My new goal this half term – To just let my art be. Be bold, be odd, be; whatever it wants to be. not to express every word with a picture, but more to allow the feeling to take over the page.
What is ‘Beyond the book’? Education, enlightenment and fun! Wish me luck 🙂